It’s easy to point the finger at someone else’s behavior, but it often times may be better to turn that finger around and look at what we may be doing that is hurting our relationships. We may look at see repeat unhealthy relationship or friendship patterns in our life, or perhaps we often blame our friends or parents or family for everything wrong in our life. Or we may blame society or other factors in our life. The truth is, there is often two people at fault in conflict or unhealthy relationships (not in all cases, but often times). Or we often may have some fault in things. We may find ourselves a codependent in our relationships or friendship or find that we struggle with codependency in all of our relationships. Or we may find ourself stuck in unhappy situations without making the changes we need to move forward. And then we may see that our friendships or relationships are consistently unhealthy – and when I say relationship I mean our work colleagues or our mother or our father or our siblings, not just romantic partners. We may find that negativity or negative patterns follow us in all of our relationships – so let’s dive into the 6 signs that YOU might be the problem in your relationships and friendships.
Don’t say this to your loved ones:
When and how to end friendships when they expire:
10 Signs of Toxic Friendships:
What to do when a friendship ends:
I also have a healthy boundaries workshop for you to work on your friendships and relationships. Find out more here:
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Thanks Kati! Your workshop with boundaries has been so helpful.
The last few weeks have been really difficult. A month ago, my boyfriend of five years left, and I’ve felt heartbroken ever since. He wasn’t just someone I loved he was also my best friend, the one who truly understood me. Now, even the happiest memories bring tears. Some days I manage to hold myself together. Other days, the pain is overwhelming. People say time heals, but right now, it still hurts just as deeply. I’m sharing this because keeping it all inside has only made it harder to carry.
May God Bless You, Kati!!❤❤
Yeah, I think it's time to move away since I have no one here.
Every time I so much as talk to someone here, drama stirs up in some way. Anything I do causes some massive issue.
All my friends come from social media at this point.
I'm the common denominator, so it's gotta be me that's causing the issues. There's no way it's not me at this point.
I am in this right now because I try to talk to her about d way she treat me sometimes I think she doesn’t love me because I always b d one to show her love
I have issues in my current relationship and for the first time ever I needed to do some self-reflection to ser if I am the bad one. Thanks to this video I realized, I am not and all the issues you mentioned can be applied to my partner instead.
I had 2 long-term relationships before him, one ending up after engagement. In both of those relationships, we almost had no problems except some few disagreements here and there, few conflicts, could even count them. They both lasted for more than 2 years. Almost 3. The breakup was amicable. We stayed in touch after the break up a little. Still remember them in a very positive way and I can't complain about how my past relationships were at all. I realized after some time that I could have done bettet and so on but that also came with life experience and wisdom.
In my current relationship, barely any of my needs are being met. Things that happened naturally in my past relationships never happened in the current one. I had to fight for them and because I never was in this kind of situation before, I didn't know how to navigate it. I had to constantly defend my boundaries, sometimes feel guilty for having them but then reminding myself that I shouldn't. I had to have countless arguments with him and they always ended up in a greater fight because of his dismissiveness and defensiveness. I had to toughen up. And guess what? He said to me that most his exes ( he had many relationships with only 1 lasting more than a year) complained about the things I do and was wondering if he is attracted to the same " type" of girl who is very sensitive and too emotional (????) He also added that I am the most sensitive among all of them tho. And by sensitive he means that when something hurts me I talk about it and never let anything big just slide and bear with the pain he inflicts to me.
Get better at being a pain to be around ? I'm all in
I ♥️ my Friend Ricky. He's more than just a friend . Should i tell him that i ❤him ? He has a girlfriend.. i know that ..
I don't know if he is forcing me or not .he ask something that I don't want to do.I say no first but he beg me ,he ask me why I am saying no and I told him the reason. I want us to do everything after marriage .now I want to study and get a job .I want him to do that too.but he ask me again and again I say no he beg me so much and I say yes and this repeat . I regret doing it so much but I am the one who give him permission. And now I told him rudely that I don't want this and now we fight everyday I don't know am I the problem here?
I’m the problem
Great time to disappear for all my friendships
Im the blame for all my financial failures. I am intolerant of negativity and rudness. I cant work with people who put on shows of negativity for fun.
I'm currently in a psychologically and sexually abusive marriage. There's been so much gaslighting that I sometimes feel like I'm the root of the problem. Thank you for this video. It helped me understand that I'm not the problem and my husband has a whole lot of work to do on himself. I beleive I'm quite emotionally mature but have some significant codependent tendencies I need to work out. And I need to learn to trust myself and be less easily manipulated.
Yes exactly, the therapist is the problem. Every time.
It's really confusing, I think it's me (because I have this problem that if someone doesn't express love the way I would, I'm unable to feel it) but at the same time I'm tired of thinking that it's me. I want people to listen when I say how I'd like to be reciprocated. I feel in the right and that makes me think I'm the problem too. I just feel alone in this
This video really hit home for me. The way it talks about love and second chances made me think of my own situation. My fiancé left me after five years, and I’ve been struggling to move on.
my partner says that their boundaries are not wanting me to talk to men and not wanting me to wear revealing clothing. they say that these are their boundaries and because they respect mine then i should respect theirs too. are these boundaries? or are they being controlling? (also they said that they respect that i dont like the use of slurs and that is the boundary they respect)
My father always taught me; if you have a problem with everyone around, it's not everyone else, it's you.
I’m just 25, not married but look at the content I’m watching… this is the most exhausting relationship I’ve had 🤦🏾♂️
So today
I give her a voice call, later on ask her for a video call and she hits with that “omg not now” attitude, so I get disappointed tell her I wanna sleep. She always does that, it’s so annoying, it feels like I love her more than she loves me that’s If she does.
My place is just a one hour drive from hers but she only comes to my place if I requested prior. Ps: she’s currently unemployed so she got plenty of time.
I feel like sometimes I get angry quickly about nonsense, but in that moment, it is is impossible for me to notice or regulate. I feel bad afterwards but then the damage is done. I feel like I have no control about my mood? It's hard to explain.
To start this off I'd like to say it's really long and kinda a vent, also I may have bipolar disorder/borderline personally disorder, autism, and adhd, though I haven't been able to get a test due to my parents not listening. Also, every friendship/relationship I've really ever had has been strickly online. I also have really bad trust issues but I trust easily at the same time. It doesn't really make sense. It's kinda like I'll just have really really bad overthinking.
I've finally come to realize that i have NEVER actually been the problem. I get attached to people really easily, so if my friend says that they like me and if i dont date them, they'll stop talking to me, I'll date them. This was one of my very first relationships, and I'd say I was probably 9 or 10 at the time. Now, I'm really only turning 13 soon, so it hasn't been very long. Btw, I'll really only talk about romantic relationships in this because most of the people I am friends with the longest are my exes, like my current best friend. The relationship with them, I'll call them fish, lasted the longest but I was still figuring out if I was straight, bi, or lesbian(I found out I'm actually lesbian), so when I finally realized I didn’t actually have feelings for f, I broke up with them because I felt bad for dating them even I really didn't have feelings for them. My next relationship was with a girl I'll call m. So we really didn’t have a very long relationship, and I was the only one giving before she just randomly blocked me, I still don't know the reason why. After that, the next most important relationship was with my last ex that I'm still friends with, and she broke up with me about a week ago. I'll call her J. So me and I gave and received a LOT. We'd be on call for 10 hours a day sometimes. It was overall a really healthy relationship, and so I gained a huge attachment. Though, she did what absolutely everyone else did who I was in a serious relationship with, which was tell me she'd never leave me. Though she never said it in a toxic kind of way, it was more so of like, "You're the kindest person I've ever met and I never want to lose you" kind of way. This was also at a time when I finally started realizing that I'm way nicer than most other people and I'm basically the embodiment of the therapist friend (but I don't even try and ask to vent or for help/advise for my problems). Like, just yesterday one of my friends I don't talk to much texted me telling me they did something really bad and sent me a picture of their fresh sh cuts, so I instructed them on what to do and helped them clean them. But back to J. She has divorced parents, and her dad has committed child neglection and verbal abuse. She has tried to run away a couple of times and is about to again soon. She broke up with me because she needed to focus on her mental health, and she said it was just difficult having an online relationship. Multiple times through the relationship, she said she loved me a lot, in a way, saying, "i never want to break up with you." I noticed that I have horrible mental health, anxiety, and most likely depression, but when im dating people, all my problems genuinely disappear. I even start doing better in school a lot of the time because of the people im dating. But the absolute cherry on top for me is that she told me she's planning on running away with someone she likes. I immediately had a mental breakdown of somekind and had to calm myself down as fast as possible so i wouldn't hurt myself or break anything.
All I need is someone to care for me and someone I can care for back. Is that so much to ask for? Just someone I can look forward to talking to every day. Someone who I'll work twice as hard for to finish things just so I can talk to them. If anyone feels the same or if you have questions, you can talk to me and ask. And if you've got any advice, I'll take what I can get.
I hope you have an amazing day/night/noon/afternoon, and thank you for reading the whole thing if you did :]
I was also the problem 😞 …. Humble enough to admit it 🙏
Relationships are so screwed up right now and confusing people don't even know how to act. They don't know how to act like their own self.
Yeah, well, I'm always the problem. That's the point. Every time my mom and I have a fight, I end up making it worse. I have OCD and ASD and it overwhelms her. Let me tell you something about people: it is never as simple as everybody has flaws and everybody makes mistakes. Some of us are specially flawed. My coworker at the desk is flawed and makes mistakes. "Yeah, well, everybody is flawed and makes mistakes." My friend down the street is flawed and makes mistakes. "Again, everybody is flawed and makes mistakes." John Rainsman is flawed and makes mistakes. "Oh, yeah. He is really flawed and makes SO many mistakes." It's always ME who messes up when I have an issue with my mom, and this is gonna sound seIfish, but I hate that. I would've been absolutely fine if we both undermined each other as flawed human beings, but no, it's pretty much always me, and now I'm jealous of her. She has the honor of being the innocent one, I have the dishonor of being the big Ioser who always has a reason to apologize. "I'm sorry" sounds WAY better from my mouth than it does from her. Now I feel very strongly that I need to go to therapy.
Thank you. I found this really helpful.
Hi Kati. Love the hair ❤
….are we all toxic?
Thank you so much because I really wanna learn what I can do better. I don't wanna be toxic eather
❤
You fight, you see the problem, you solve the problem and everything is normal. This is how it should be, if you can't live without each other. You are not the problem, the problem is the problem.
Pride and selfishness keep most people from even being capable of seeing their own problems in relationships
Best we stay apart from someone who dont respect us…Being away from them makes us grow and make us love ourself
You can be right..if they cancel on the date
I am part of the problem i know ..i represent my mom and i know it and dont like it.😢
So, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I’m also good at pointing out when people trigger me….but then they gaslight me and blame me, for calling things out…how do I know which came first: the chicken or the egg?!! HELP!!
This is my first relationship and I just want to know if I’m a problem because I’m making myself stressed